Fun and Games


Beijing and China and Fun and Games and Olympics31 Jan 2009 04:10 pm

The end, as it were.

After I got into the main venue, I made my way to the Bird’s Nest to see what I could see.  Of course, I had my pins with me, and was thinking maybe I could sell a few.  No, that’s a lie: at this point I had given up on the pin trading/selling business, and was just there for the sights.

People were everywhere around the Bird’s Nest, lounging around and staring at the athletes that were waiting to march into the stadium.  I eventually found the Olympic Hospitality Center, and realized, with a sense of stunned disbelief, that my pin business could have exploded had I discovered this place sooner.  It was practically empty, but everyone there had pins.  Good pins.  Alas.

I decided to go into the Bank of China center, even though I think my ticket was only good for the VISA hut, and began to eat their food and drink their beer.  Like you do.

A concerned young Chinese woman eventually approached me:

“Excuse me.  Are you supposed to be here?” she says.

Me: “What?  Of course.  Why else would I be here?”

“Oh, because all of our clients are in the stadium…” with a slightly disbelieving frown

Me: “Ah, yes, well, my dad is a client.  I decided not to go to the stadium,” I replied as nonchalantly as possible, lying through the teeth.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course.”

“Oh…okay…”

Thank you, Bank of China, for your average buffet food and cold Budweiser.

Once things were over, and the digitally enhanced fireworks were set off (the ash of which yet managed to drift down over the venue and imbue the air with the slightest hint of a freshly lit match), I wandered back outside and bumped into, almost literally, Vince Vaughn.  Neat.  Hands were shook, backs were patted, compliments given.  Sadly, no pictures were taken; he didn’t want to cause a scene by stopping.  Understandable.

So…now the Olympics are over.  Well, they’re technically well over, but I’m just now getting around to writing about it.

Things will change here, I promise.  Updates!

Beijing and China and Fun and Games and General Advice and Olympics28 Aug 2008 06:10 am

This post is a few days late, but I’ve been unable to decide on the best means of relating the events of my last Olympic Beijing Day. I toyed with the idea of a mini-series-esque approach, several different episodes spanning a week or so of posts, relating backstory and perhaps an intricate sub-plot or two, but that would require far too much fictionalizing on my part. And I’m obviously not that creative. Nor am I lazy.

In the end I decided on the following, a vaguely serialized story that should, I hope, be humorous in its high drama, excitement, and human interest:

After watching the Redeem Team beat Spain for the Gold Medal in what turned out to be a fairly competitive game, I raced home, dragged out a massive chunk of cardboard, and made the biggest, “Student Needs Tickets Please,” sign ever. Well, that I’ve ever seen at any rate. I went to the entrance of the Olympic subway line, the one that runs into the Olympic complex, and posted up, being sure to ask a volunteer if it was cool that I stand there. Two things happened in quick succession: people started laughing and taking pictures, and my arms immediately started to hurt. The former I am accustomed to, but the latter was a surprise; in retrospect, my sign was too big, and made the wrong way – I had put the flaps on top and bottom, so that my arms had to stretch even further so as to be grabbing onto a piece that wouldn’t flop around. On top of all this, it was rather windy which, given the size of this piece of cardboard, and its daunting size, created a large amount of drag.

Soon a small group of Russian-Chinese girls walked up to, and started talking with, me. They too were looking for tickets, and started to help me hold up my sign. Now, ordinarily this is something to be avoided – people coming to give you a ticket, are instead enticed to sell one to the people actually interested in paying, and, really, you can’t blame them. But, despite the fact that these girls weren’t exactly cute, Russian is, in my estimation, a sexy language, and so I let it slide.

Weakness, your name is man.

And so as to avoid tears of bitter sorrow, disappointment, impotent rage, and, well, comedy, I’ll put it bluntly: one of the Russian girls got a free ticket from someone who saw my goddamned sign, and made a beeline for us. He even did a cute little bow when he gave it to her. !@#$% wasn’t even that good looking.

Of course, after that one, small bit of luck (for that cherry picking wench) things started to sour.

Beijing and China and Fun and Games and General Advice and Olympics17 Aug 2008 03:02 am

Prerequisites:
• Cardboard box
• Dark, preferably black Marker
• Pencil (Necessity dependant on Artistic Integrity)
• Approximately 30min (Dependant on Artistic Integrity)
• Absolutely no shame, a pitiable smile, and strong, or at least durable, arms

Preparation:
• Tear off a sizable chunk of cardboard, bigger the better (but heavier!)
• For neatness in the next step, sketch out the words, “Student Needs Tickets Please” on the cardboard (Dependant on Artistic Integrity)
• Color/black in the sketched out words (or just guesstimate and skip the previous step – not something I’ve been able to do successfully)
• Add local language (Optional)
• Bus/Taxi/Subway to desired venue
• Find entrance
• Find place to stand
• Unfold sign
• Raise sign up in the air
• Look miserable, maybe laugh self consciously now and again, ignore the growing ache in your arms
• Ponder the meaning of life
• Continue holding the sign high up in the air, despite increasingly painful burn in your shoulder region, and possibly the part of your brain that holds Pride
• Ponder the meaning of life further
• Repeatedly tell people that, as you are a student, you. Have. No. Money.
• Get a ticket for free from someone who has an extra, see event, party like a rockstar
o Alternative: if no ticket was obtained, do something else. Like go shopping. Or whatever.
• Wrap funny stories of people you met while holding up your sign like a blanket to ward off the shame of begging
• Realize that it’s actually fun to do it, and try again tomorrow

Fun and Games22 Jul 2008 10:02 pm

Lack of posts recently, I know.  Been backpacking around Thailand, and finding time to sit down and compose something masterful ain’t exactly easy.  In a week and a half or so I’ll be back in Beijing, with a bit of stability and my own laptop, so expect posts around that time.

Until then, keep on keepin’ on.

Fun and Games04 Jul 2008 12:00 pm

It’s the name of a card game, folks, relax. And by card game I mean it is the most ubiquitous game you will find while traveling. Everyone knows of it, if not by “Shithead,” which is the most common name. Game play remains consistent across countries, but specific rules may vary. I’ll try to include all of the variances I am familiar with, but will avoid talking strategy. Leave that to experience.

Objective: To not lose. Winning doesn’t matter, you just don’t want to lose. Loser is dubbed, “Shithead,” and generally becomes the group’s go-pher until the next game is resolved (optional).
Players: 3-8 (3 is almost too few, 5 is probably optimal, and 8 can get distended)
Cards: 1 regular 52 card deck with 5 or less, 2 otherwise

Set-up:
A) Deal three cards face down to each player. They do not look at them, but simply arrange them side-by-side in front of them
B) Deal three more cards to each player, and place them on top of the previously dealt three
C) Deal three more cards to each player, and these three constitute, “The Hand.”
D) Players now have the option of swapping cards in their hand with the three face up cards, that everyone can see, generally trying to put the best/most useful cards on the face-up piles. Exactly why is explained later.

Playing:
A) Player with the lowest, non-special card goes first. This will be either a 3 or a 4, generally, and whomsoever throws down first goes first.
B) Play then proceeds clockwise, with each player having to play a card (or multiples of one number) that is equal to or higher than the previous card, unless special rules apply. Ace is high card.
C) Every time a player is below three cards, he or she draws a number of cards from the remaining deck that will put them up to three.
D) Play continues like this until the deck is gone. Once the deck is gone, players with no cards in their hand may begin playing from the three face-up cards in front of them.
E) Once all three face up cards have been played, and a player still has no hand, he or she may begin blindly playing the three cards that are face-down in front of them. At this point, luck is fairly significant.
F) If at any time a player cannot play a card, he or she picks up the entire stack of cards, and uses them as his or her hand. Note: players with hands greater than three cards need not draw from the deck until they have less than three cards.
G) The last person with cards remaining loses, and is dubbed, until another game or further notice, “The Shithead.”

Special Cards: Some cards have special rules, or “abilities,” attached to them, as noted herein. Note that not all special card rules need be used, but, generally speaking, 2, 3, 7, and 10 are played as special:
2 – Resets the entire stack, starting at 2. Any card can subsequently be played. A 2 may be played at any time, regardless of what is currently on top of the stack

3 – Invisible. Can be played at any time, on top of any card. The next player has to beat the card beneath the three. Note: if it is another three beneath the three, the next player just has to beat a three.

7 – The next player has to play a card below a 7. 2s, 3s, and 10s may still be played.

8 – Skip. The next player is skipped. Multiple 8s skip multiple people (2 8s skips 2 people, etc.)

10 – Burn. Burns the stack, getting rid of every card currently there, removing them from the game, and allowing the player that used the ten another turn. May be played at any time, on top of any card, including seven.

Jack – Reverse. Switches order of play.

As was mentioned in the Set-up section, players have the option, upon receiving their three face-down, three face-up, and three in-hand cards to swap between the face-up and in-hand cards. Use the above special rules to determine your strategy.

Variant Rules: Optional rules that may but do not have to be used:

Four of a Kind – If at any time there are four cards of a kind on the stack, the stack is burned, all cards in it are removed from play, and the player responsible for completing the Four of a Kind goes again.

Instant Play – Not a rule I like, but I’m non-partisan, honest. Using this rule, if at anytime someone plays a card that you have in your hand, you can instantly lay down said card on top of the stack. Play then resumes as if you had taken your normal turn, not the person who first laid down the card. (Ex. A plays a 4, C has a 4, C plays said 4, play continues with D, skipping B)

Completing a Four of a Kind Instant Play – Akin to the aforementioned rule, this allows a player to instantly play if and only if he or she is able to make a four of a kind. Play then resumes as if the player had in fact finished a four of a kind on his or her normal turn, with them taking another turn. (Ex. A plays two 4s, C has 2 4s, C plays both 4s, burns the stack, takes another turn, and play moves onto D, skipping B)

And that, as they say, is that