Getting By

Lack of posts recently, I know.  Been backpacking around Thailand, and finding time to sit down and compose something masterful ain’t exactly easy.  In a week and a half or so I’ll be back in Beijing, with a bit of stability and my own laptop, so expect posts around that time.

Until then, keep on keepin’ on.

As I sat on the second floor of the bus, rushing north towards the Iguazu National Falls, sipping on my champagne and puffing on my cigar, in my red velvet smoking jacket, with my feet propped up on a fluffy ottoman, I realized that perhaps I was taking it too far.

So, sans jacket, ottoman, and cigar, I, in all seriousness, reflected on how hilarious Argentina could be.

When I bought my bus ticket to go north, an 18 or so hour journey, I expected the usual premium Argentine treatment: meals, movies, reclining chairs, etc. When the woman behind the desk asked me if I’d like to upgrade to the second level for a measly 8 pesos, approximately $2.50 at the time, I figured I was paying for the improved view, or something.

At first, I was entirely correct in my assessment. We were watching movies, had meals a la airplanes, and the view was better: a bit higher up, a bit less rushed, you know.

Of course, when the, for lack of a better term, waiter came after about 5 hours and asked me if I would like some champagne, I had to seriously resist the temptation to ask, in an atrociously fake British accent, “Please, sah, may I have some more?”

Preface: What you are about to read is entirely true and, almost word for word, entirely accurate. I was in China, to leave off of South America temporarily, for a second gap year, studying Mandarin Chinese. The following happened over New Years 2007-2008.

I left my ATM card in the ATM, and did not realize it until several days later. The minute I discovered my mistake I made several frenzied phone calls, most notably to my bank, while talking online with my father. Ended up arranging for my bank to send me a new card, thereby canceling the old one, and for my father to send me an Ikobo Credit Card and a bit of cash money that I could exchange. I was very, very careful about spelling out the address to Navy Federal Credit Union, my bank, and made sure they knew exactly where this vital piece of plastic was being shipped. Tick-tick-tick goes the clock, the weekend passes, January 8th arrives. My Ikobo Card, the cash money (thanks, dad, you’re a rockstar), and my NFCU Check Card PIN number arrives. No card. Okay, fine. I call Navy:

“No problem sir, the card usually arrives a couple of days afterwards. It should be there by…the 10th, if FedEx’s site is right.”

FedEx? Oh, crap. A sinking feeling penetrates my stomach as I recall with vivid clarity the Brazil Incident 2006 (explained more fully later).

“Umm…okay, cool, but now I need to have the package held at a FedEx facility, since I’m changing addresses. Can you do that?”

“No, sir, we cannot. You would have contact FedEx directly to arrange that. Their number is +861064648855. Is there anything else we can help you with?” etc. etc.

FedEx: “No, sorry, we cannot hold the package without permission from the sender.”

NFCU: “No, sorry, we do not deal with FedEx.”

FedEx: “No, really, we cannot hold the package without permission form the sender.”

I guess things kind of came to a head when they tried to buy me a prostitute.

Wait, let me backtrack.

After meeting up with my sister, and traveling with her for a few weeks, I ended up spending a few months in Buenos Aires working on my College Application essays, those good ole “Personal Statements.” I was staying at a hostel the entire time, Tango Backpackers, and it was right close to this neat little cafe. I had my sister’s computer, so I’d go down there every day during the week, order a tea, and get to the writing. After a few hours, I’d order a warm brownie with a scoop of ice cream on top (mm-mmm good), and that was my habit. It got to the point where I would walk in, and the waitresses would bring me my tea, and then a few hours later my brownie, without my even having to get a menu. Talk about consistency.

So when Mendoza, one of the hostel workers, stood up on a table during the weekly rooftop barbecue, and asked everyone to chip in a few pesos to by yours truly a “working woman,” it having come out that I was, at that point, a virgin, I knew that things had become far too consistent for a traveler to abide by.

If there is one thing I do know, it is this: patterns can be comforting, and easy, but falling into a routine can be treacherous for a backpacker. I’m glad I stayed in one spot for the purpose of writing those essays, not that I really dedicated myself too hard to them (only got accepted to one out of the five places I applied to, heh), but having the same daily ritual was, in retrospect, a drag. So, within a week or so of that dinner, I jumped ship and went north to Brazil, land of sketchy ghettos, mostly beautiful women (in skimpy swim suits), and monotonous food.

Besides, they only managed to raise about $3.00, a stick of gum, a cigarette, and a condom.

It’s the name of a card game, folks, relax. And by card game I mean it is the most ubiquitous game you will find while traveling. Everyone knows of it, if not by “Shithead,” which is the most common name. Game play remains consistent across countries, but specific rules may vary. I’ll try to include all of the variances I am familiar with, but will avoid talking strategy. Leave that to experience.

Objective: To not lose. Winning doesn’t matter, you just don’t want to lose. Loser is dubbed, “Shithead,” and generally becomes the group’s go-pher until the next game is resolved (optional).
Players: 3-8 (3 is almost too few, 5 is probably optimal, and 8 can get distended)
Cards: 1 regular 52 card deck with 5 or less, 2 otherwise

Set-up:
A) Deal three cards face down to each player. They do not look at them, but simply arrange them side-by-side in front of them
B) Deal three more cards to each player, and place them on top of the previously dealt three
C) Deal three more cards to each player, and these three constitute, “The Hand.”
D) Players now have the option of swapping cards in their hand with the three face up cards, that everyone can see, generally trying to put the best/most useful cards on the face-up piles. Exactly why is explained later.

Playing:
A) Player with the lowest, non-special card goes first. This will be either a 3 or a 4, generally, and whomsoever throws down first goes first.
B) Play then proceeds clockwise, with each player having to play a card (or multiples of one number) that is equal to or higher than the previous card, unless special rules apply. Ace is high card.
C) Every time a player is below three cards, he or she draws a number of cards from the remaining deck that will put them up to three.
D) Play continues like this until the deck is gone. Once the deck is gone, players with no cards in their hand may begin playing from the three face-up cards in front of them.
E) Once all three face up cards have been played, and a player still has no hand, he or she may begin blindly playing the three cards that are face-down in front of them. At this point, luck is fairly significant.
F) If at any time a player cannot play a card, he or she picks up the entire stack of cards, and uses them as his or her hand. Note: players with hands greater than three cards need not draw from the deck until they have less than three cards.
G) The last person with cards remaining loses, and is dubbed, until another game or further notice, “The Shithead.”

Special Cards: Some cards have special rules, or “abilities,” attached to them, as noted herein. Note that not all special card rules need be used, but, generally speaking, 2, 3, 7, and 10 are played as special:
2 – Resets the entire stack, starting at 2. Any card can subsequently be played. A 2 may be played at any time, regardless of what is currently on top of the stack

3 – Invisible. Can be played at any time, on top of any card. The next player has to beat the card beneath the three. Note: if it is another three beneath the three, the next player just has to beat a three.

7 – The next player has to play a card below a 7. 2s, 3s, and 10s may still be played.

8 – Skip. The next player is skipped. Multiple 8s skip multiple people (2 8s skips 2 people, etc.)

10 – Burn. Burns the stack, getting rid of every card currently there, removing them from the game, and allowing the player that used the ten another turn. May be played at any time, on top of any card, including seven.

Jack – Reverse. Switches order of play.

As was mentioned in the Set-up section, players have the option, upon receiving their three face-down, three face-up, and three in-hand cards to swap between the face-up and in-hand cards. Use the above special rules to determine your strategy.

Variant Rules: Optional rules that may but do not have to be used:

Four of a Kind – If at any time there are four cards of a kind on the stack, the stack is burned, all cards in it are removed from play, and the player responsible for completing the Four of a Kind goes again.

Instant Play – Not a rule I like, but I’m non-partisan, honest. Using this rule, if at anytime someone plays a card that you have in your hand, you can instantly lay down said card on top of the stack. Play then resumes as if you had taken your normal turn, not the person who first laid down the card. (Ex. A plays a 4, C has a 4, C plays said 4, play continues with D, skipping B)

Completing a Four of a Kind Instant Play – Akin to the aforementioned rule, this allows a player to instantly play if and only if he or she is able to make a four of a kind. Play then resumes as if the player had in fact finished a four of a kind on his or her normal turn, with them taking another turn. (Ex. A plays two 4s, C has 2 4s, C plays both 4s, burns the stack, takes another turn, and play moves onto D, skipping B)

And that, as they say, is that

Edmund Wilson, some important person who did some important thing, once said, with a great deal of pomp and importance, “no two persons ever read the same book,” (BrainyQuotes), something to bear in mind as you go traveling. Not only do you need something to whittle away those long hours on the bus, but books are also a great bridge between strangers, especially when it comes to trading well-used tomes.

Indeed, some hostels have a 2:1 trading ratio, demanding that you give them 2 books in return for 1 of theirs. Or, you can buy them at “discount” rates. As well, some even have a grading system depending upon the books “popularity,” often an objective measure, it’s condition, and whether or not they have it. Particularly valuable items include Lonely Planet travel guides, brainteasers, and Harry Potter. In fact, books are such a pivotal part of traveling that I no doubt will be mentioning them several times throughout the course of this journey. Just to emphasize it.

In Brazil, skipping ahead a bit, I stayed in a Hostel in Natal where I picked up a book called, “My Family and Other Animals,” by Gerald Durrell. The book itself was good, the story of a boy dealing with an eccentric mother while living on the Greek Islands. But what was really interesting about this particular volume was meeting the person who had left it at that Hostel, a month later, and 500-someodd miles away. I was rereading it, he saw it, and the rest, as they say, is obvious. We struck up a conversation, and ended up hanging out for a few days.

Traveling really makes you appreciate that the world is a small place.