FedEx: Spawn of Satan, or Confused International Carrier?
Preface: What you are about to read is entirely true and, almost word for word, entirely accurate. I was in China, to leave off of South America temporarily, for a second gap year, studying Mandarin Chinese. The following happened over New Years 2007-2008.
I left my ATM card in the ATM, and did not realize it until several days later. The minute I discovered my mistake I made several frenzied phone calls, most notably to my bank, while talking online with my father. Ended up arranging for my bank to send me a new card, thereby canceling the old one, and for my father to send me an Ikobo Credit Card and a bit of cash money that I could exchange. I was very, very careful about spelling out the address to Navy Federal Credit Union, my bank, and made sure they knew exactly where this vital piece of plastic was being shipped. Tick-tick-tick goes the clock, the weekend passes, January 8th arrives. My Ikobo Card, the cash money (thanks, dad, you’re a rockstar), and my NFCU Check Card PIN number arrives. No card. Okay, fine. I call Navy:
“No problem sir, the card usually arrives a couple of days afterwards. It should be there by…the 10th, if FedEx’s site is right.”
FedEx? Oh, crap. A sinking feeling penetrates my stomach as I recall with vivid clarity the Brazil Incident 2006 (explained more fully later).
“Umm…okay, cool, but now I need to have the package held at a FedEx facility, since I’m changing addresses. Can you do that?”
“No, sir, we cannot. You would have contact FedEx directly to arrange that. Their number is +861064648855. Is there anything else we can help you with?” etc. etc.
FedEx: “No, sorry, we cannot hold the package without permission from the sender.”
NFCU: “No, sorry, we do not deal with FedEx.”
FedEx: “No, really, we cannot hold the package without permission form the sender.”
NFCU: “No, really, we do not deal with FedEx.”
Me: “THEN WHY THE $%@! DID YOU SEND IT WITH FEDEX IN THE FIRST PLACE?!”
This obviously isn’t.
NFCU: “Uhhh…”
Umberto, the Friendly FedEx Guy: “Oh, hold it? No problem, we have a bit of leeway when it comes to international packages. But…uh…where is your package supposed to be going?”
Me: “China.”
Umberto: “China? Not…Switzerland?”
Me: “…”
Umberto: “Looks like we’ll have to reroute it. See, someone entered in CH for the package, which is the country code for Switzerland. China is CN. Pretty easy mistake to make, I guess.
Me: “…”
Umberto: “Okay, that’s all taken care of. As I see it now, the package is now on it’s way to Renmindaxue Bei Lu, Building 2, Apartment 1809, Haidian District, 100080, Beijing, China. Is that correct?”
Me: [As much misery and frustration lacing my voice as possible]“Yeeeees.”
SO! After that brief, yet, I hope, comical, dialogue, you now see where I was two weeks prior. Where was I after two weeks? Well, I hope this next dialogue can illuminate things for you:
Me: “Why has my package been to the Philippines on three seperate occasions, and France on four?”
FedEx: “Uhh…”
Me: “Why has it taken my package, a priority shipment, almost two weeks to get rerouted and put into China?”
FedEx: “Uhh…”
Me: “Why is it going in circles around the world while I am forced to use my emergency credit card, emergency, which drains money from my account at an atrocious rate? [Stretching the truth, but I figured they could use some nudging]”
FedEx: “Uhh…”
NFCU: “No, sorry, we don’t deal with FedEx.”
Me: “*twitch*”
NFCU: “Best we can do is cancel that card and have a new one sent out to you.”
Me: “What, so that one can get sent to Switzerland as well? Thanks.” *click*
FedEx: “Uhh…”
And this is why both FedEx and NFCU are the Spawn of Satan given human flesh, diabolical beings hellbent on the destruction of all conveniences, decencies, and human niceties. I think I have been closer to reckless abandonment and shameless violence than ever before in my life. If ever there is a time I can be accused of blind, bloodthirsty rage, I have nigh arrived upon that moment.
Oh, and in the end? I got both 2 cards.